Mar
|
IMDB rating: 7.60 Plot: Troublemaking duo Andy Bichlbaum and Mike Bonanno, posing as their industrious alter-egos, expose the people profiting from Hurricane Katrina, the faces behind the environmental disaster in Bhopal, and other shocking events. |
Actors: Watts Reggie,Bonanno Mike,Documentary,
I am struggling with a sex addiction and I need advice?
I don’t need smart answers or a$$hole remarks. This is something that I have been battling with and has led to serious depression in my life. I was diagnosed back in 2003 as a sex addict. I had no idea such a thing existed until then but I knew I always had severe problems with commitment and being consumed by men. If anyone knows about sex addiction there are two types of sex addicts, the ones who need to watch porn, masturbate, and achieve orgasms any way possible, but mines is the other type which is I don’t seek men for the sex but the sexual attention and their attraction for me. It’s like I get a "hit" off the guy’s lust for me as weird as it sounds. When I do have sex with these guys it’s not the orgasm I’m after but the attention and feeling of being the center of their world. After it’s over I go home and hit a depression and then I go back out to find another guy to give me a high so to speak so I won’t be depressed. It’s literally like the men are drugs, not human beings in my head.
In the past when I got into relationships and either problems came up in the relationship or I had that commitment phobia again, my first thing to do was to go manhunting. It was a sick cycle but I felt like I couldn’t stop. I was either going manhunting or sticking to unhealthy, abusive relationships because I was addicted to the sexual part of the relationship.
Eventually I decided to take a break from relationships and get into therapy and do what I can to fix this problem. I was gaining insight into my issues and yes the need for men became less and less over time. So three years ago I met and finally fell in love with my fiancee. He is the first guy I ever been faithful to. Although I am in love and he is great, I’m secretly depressed because I haven’t told him my past. I have been so honest with him about everything but not this because of the shame and guilt of it all. I feel even more guilty because he hasn’t had many partners in his past. I also feel guilty because when we do fight or I am feeling phobic about him abandoning me I get thoughts of being with other guys but this time I refuse to act on it.
I just want the thoughts to go away because I love him to death and I also don’t know if I should tell him about my past or let it go. I still get therapy but he doesn’t know what for except I tell him I have anxiety issues so he doesn’t know anything else. What do you guys think? Should I set it to him straight or am I better off continuing treatment and letting it go? I feel so terribly guilty.
this is to long. you should try thearapy and watch dr. drew’s sex rehab on sunday night’s
yoga603end732 | Dec 05, 2009
I think that you have answered most of your own questions…firstly you know what your problems are and are able to admit them… Secondly talk to him about this………
c b | Dec 05, 2009
My answer is going to be simple and to the point.
NO relationship is easy and half (or more,) fail for whatever reason. If a relationship isn’t based on honesty and trust to begin with, it is doomed from the start in my opinion.
If this has been a part of your past and you are still in therapy, (this is part of WHO you are,) your partner should know. He will either accept it and the two of you will deal with the issue together, or he won’t. If he won’t, this isn’t the right person for you.
Just Me | Dec 05, 2009
i realized as a recovering addict that any one else can say or tell me that i’m an addict…. the good thing about being one, only i can say can really say i am one or not…. i know, as an addict, anything and everthing can become an addiction….good or bad….good luck
larry | Dec 05, 2009
I think you should tell him "little by little" but I would hold off on the part about cheating… especially that he is the first guy you haven’t cheated on. Yeah, you’re suppose to tell him everything and get it all out in the open as they say in the textbooks, but I don’t think I would as you have described him.
First, you don’t need to feel ashamed. In your mind it may seem real strange and perverted, but to him, it won’t be that way. Only because you feel that you don’t have control and couldn’t get control on your own emotions do you feel weak and something to be ashamed of. I use "ashamed" in place of embarrassed as that is what I think you are saying. He will probably like the fact that you are turned on by him being turned on.
However, if it is true shame… it would be the shame that you kept it from him and didn’t fully open up. In that case, consider that all of us have fantasies about other people when we are having sex from time to time, but know it would be poison to tell your partner, "Guess who I was thinking of when we were doing it?…"
Next, Guilt. I also wouldn’t put too much emphasis on this. The reason you are feeling guilty is that you feel you are keeping something "big" from him. In this case, the only reason it seems "big" to you is because you are fearful that you may cheat. You feel as if you need to warn him, and if you don’t warn him, it is like a betrayal in advance.
Just put your mind to it that you will not cheat on him. I think you should also consider what may happen if you share this with him. You tell him when you feel insecure (him abandoning you) that to feel better you have thoughts of being with other guys. Now look at it from his perspective. He will feel trapped. When he gets mad at you, like all guys eventually do, he will be afraid that you may cheat on him. So he is always having to be cautious and not being honest. He is forced into being someone he isn’t because of your possible failure. That has to damage the relationship to some extent. You just have to make a committeemen to yourself not to act on those needs.
I also think you need to be honest with yourself. I think part of your need to share this with him is that you trust him to make you strong and he will work with you. You are wanting to lean on him or have him take some of the burden off your shoulders. While this is natural, I think this is something that you need to do yourself. Just as a child that never grows up and wants mommy and daddy to support them, it is very easy to stay in that situation. So don’t rely on him to be an enabler to your addiction. If there was a support group that he could attend, they might have the tools for him to cope, but in this case since it would directly involve him being cheated upon, I’d try to control it myself.
I have these opinions base on what the problem was with my first wife. I watched her go through 3 other husbands until she settled down and stuck with the final one. No doubt about it, she was great sex and there wasn’t anything too kinky that I wanted to do that she wasn’t game for and she was very good at what she did, but I couldn’t trust her and I wasn’t going to go through life always watching over my shoulder for her latest flings. After divorced I told my friends, "She was great and wanting to have sex all the time… the only problem it wasn’t always with me."
Good luck and keep in mind I might be too close to this to offer good advice. I know it isn’t something a psychologist would advise.
Mark | Dec 07, 2009
I am not a sex addict, but I do have some things that I find myself doing when feeling down that I have tried to shake for years. I won’t go into details here, just leave it at it is a sexual thing. I have been through therapy to better understand things about myself and try and learn how to control some of my urges. I would say for now, until you are at a point of feeling total control and are comfortable in discussing this about yourself with him, I would just continue with the therapy, but perhaps you should hold off on the marriage until you can be totally up front and honest with him. He deserves the truth, and all of you. You just may not be 100% there yet. Keep working on you, and things should hopefully work out.
Shaggster | Dec 07, 2009
